Mama holding her baby while trying to get her teeth cleaned at the dentist.
2 little ones in the room while mamas trying to get a pelvic exam.
Breaking up a sibling squabble right in the middle of your morning devotions.
Yes, the struggle for self-care is real! But it is critically necessary. Several times this week I’ve been asked how I manage to find time for self-care as a busy entrepreneur, wife, mom, author and ministry leader. To answer that I’m reposting this as it contains my tried and true recipe for self-care.
“I like these shoes and can truly use them but I’ll leave them here.”
“Lord, I’d love to have 5 minutes alone to sip coffee and people watch.”
“I’ll skip going on the trip because I’m “sacrificing” for my family.”
These are all things I’ve done contrary to self-care. In my mind at the time, I was making necessary sacrifices for my family. But what I did instead was institute a self-imposed suffering. Somehow my mind created a situation in which martyrdom equated holiness. Somehow my mind believed if I denied myself anything pleasurable that was exclusively for me, that I was closer to God.
Oh how the mind plays wicked tricks. But oh, how grateful I am that God strategically placed me in several uncomfortable situations to bring this to my attention so we could address the issue. One evening I stood in the Aerosoles shoe store, engaged in a spiritual battle over giving myself permission to purchase a pair of shoes. When I left that store, I literally felt as if I’d been in a fight. That was immediately followed by an interaction the following morning where someone wanted to assist me in being able to attend our upcoming Women’s Retreat. My answer to the shoes and the offer for help were a flat out NO! My self-chatter was “a good mom doesn’t run off and leave her kids to attend a retreat”. “A good mother and wife uses her money wisely and scores the best deals from the thrift store” (mind you the shoes at Aerosoles were on sales for $29.99 with some extra % off and I had the money to purchase them).
But God…
Through those two incidents and examining past behavior, He revealed to my why I was denying myself and the TRUE reasons were less than honorable. I was no better than the Pharisees.
Today I am free of that self-imposed suffering, and even gave myself permission last summer to take a much needed vacation, just me & hubby for the first time in eleven years. I now know and embrace that self-care is ESSENTIAL.
Principles For Self Care
Embrace The Now Moment
Jesus reminds us that tomorrow has enough cares of its own. The past is behind me and the future to TBD thus THIS MOMENT is where grace abounds. God is in the now moment and I want to be where He is so I am purposeful to embrace the beauty and majesty present in THIS moment. For more on embracing the now moment, please watch this video.
Calm and Peace
“In the event of an emergency, put on your oxygen mask first”. We’ve heard this popular flight attendant statement often. I now know this to be true for me. If I do things that bring me a sense of calm and peace, I am able to let that calm and peace then flow and permeate my home. For each of us what brings calm and peace may look very different. Using my favorite body wash and lighting my favorite candles brings calm. Quiet time with God in the early morning while it’s still dark outside brings calm and peace for me. Even sitting outside in the direct sun if only for a few minutes revitalizes me.
Relationship
I’ve always treasured friendship so for me spending time with my friends is good medicine. Sharing a smile, a laugh, hopes, dreams, disappointments, questions, it’s the sharing and opening of hearts that makes my heart merry.
A merry heart does good like medicine. Proverbs 17:22
Limit External Stimuli
I am diligent in guarding what my eyes see and what my ears hear. To protect my mind I have to keep my thoughts on that which is noble, just, and true and of good report. This is not to say I am unaware of what is going on around me but it is my goal to feed myself that which nourishes the mind and spirit. As a result, I limit TV, social media, magazine, shopping, and certain types of music. In order for things to grow healthy, they have to be in an environment conducive to growth and to grow my mind, my relationship with Christ, self and others; I have to feed myself TRUTH.
The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness! Matthew 6:21-22
Pay close attention to what you hear Mark 4:24
Pleasure Activities
What do you enjoying doing? I like reading, writing, scrapbooking, travel, the beach and finding new recipes. These little things are pleasurable to me and I actually need to be a little more intentional about creating time to do some of these things.
Honor The Temple
Caring for others requires me to not only be mentally stable but physically well also. As the mother of 6 children ages 13 and under (including 4 boys) I want to be able to keep pace with them. I want to give piggyback rides, run alongside someone’s bike as they’re learning to ride, and play tag. In caring for my family, my ministry and myself I have to rise early and sometimes go to bed late so I have to ensure I’m getting proper rest. I want my heart and body strong and conditioned to go the distance, which requires exercise. And all of the above can only happen if I honor my temple and fuel my body with the proper nutrients by eating fresh, whole foods.
Time Alone
I have a constant barrage of stimuli. SIX children talking to me all at once, congestion on the road as I drive them to school, a go-between, peacemaker and playmate to the youngest two who are not in school yet, fielding emails, texts and calls from those I’m called to serve, helping hubby locate an important document that’s gone missing, writing for my next speaking engagement and the list goes on. After all that stimuli, I need to give my brain an opportunity to file and categorize all the information that’s been flying past me throughout the day. And stealing away for time alone is how I do that. Jesus himself went aside for prayer and reflection. Even in this I have to do what’s conducive to my current life. So while I’d love to steal away to a remote beach for 7 days straight, that’s not the most practical for my life right now. But God has shown me how to embrace even the smallest alone moment. A stroll down my long driveway to my mailbox is one of the sweetest times for me. I breathe deeply and take slow, deliberate steps and woosah.
And you know what I’ve come to learn? If I don’t practice self-care, if I don’t accept Christ’s invitation to enter into His rest, I’ve actually taken His place in my life. When I continue to trudge forward operating in my own strength and might and do not sufficiently nurture my mind, my body and my spirit, I’m say without directly saying, “I am all sufficient. I am all powerful. I can do all things.”
I, I, I.
[bctt tweet=”We run the risk of idol worship when we do not enter into His rest.” username=”inspiredfully”]
I implore you; if you don’t currently have a self-care regime, please implement one. If you are going to be effective in serving and caring for others you must care for yourself. I used to hear that and think it was cliché but now I know it to be the truth. It is crucial for my mental, physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What things do you do for self-care?
As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired to Live Fully!
Happy to connect with these friends sharing the Good News Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith, Chasing Community, Grace & Truth