Posts

How Toni’s Morrison’s Words Influence My Parenting


“It’s interesting to see when a kid walks into the room… does your face light up? That’s what they’re looking for…when my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or their socks were up…so you think your affection and your deep love is on display cause you’re caring for them, it’s not. When they see you they see the critical face…what’s wrong now? …But then if you let your face speak what’s in your heart. Because when they walked in the room I was glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see.”

Toni Morrison

Nobel laureate and novelist, Toni Morrison shared these deep yet simply stated musings on an episode of Oprah’s Lifeclass. So eloquently she illustrated the difference between meeting temporal needs and maximizing on the opportunity to connect with the heart. Oprah went on to say that one of her own biggest learning lessons of the early 90’s was that the common denominator in the human experience is that everyone wants to be appreciated or validated. 

And don’t we see that in our world today? The rash brazenness of broken people intent on hurting themselves and others because they long to be seen, to be known, to be validated, and to be loved.

And oh how many times I’ve missed the mark on this. But watching this segment left an indelible mark on me, raising my awareness of SEEING my children.  Morrison captures the essence of it because truly much of parental life is consumed with meeting temporal needs which can suffocate connection. Endless piles of laundry, shuttling children to and from activities, cooking meals, you know the drill. 

The job of parenting finds us doing seemingly important things for our children but we don’t want to miss out on the needed thing.  Just as Jesus affirmed that Mary had chosen the better part, let us choose the better part and that is connecting with the hearts of our children. Doing so demands that we slow down.

The human heart craves connection and we must make ourselves available for our children.

How available are you if your face is planted in an electronic device when your child is trying to talk to you? How available are you when you an inundated with 2 million worries because that stack of medical bills keeps getting higher and higher? 

This is when you have to cast all your cares on God and eliminate distractions so that you make yourself available for connection. Connection is carried out through communication. It is imperative that you communicate in ways that your child can perceive and receive. Be sure to check out 5 Ways To Communicate With Your Child Better.

Love sees and love notices and love cares. When a pregnant Hagar attempted to flee because of Sarai’s cruelty, she had an encounter with el-Roi, The God Who Sees. Not only did the angel of the Lord see her there, he blessed her. Just as God saw Hagar sitting there, He sees you and He sees your children. Yup, that’s what love does; love sees. Our children, in their own unique way are crying out, “Do you see me?” And in return, it is not the critical face, the glare or the correction of external trappings that I want to offer. I want them to see my face light up. 

“It’s just as small as that you see.”


Some of the thoughts shared in this post are adapted from my book, Purposeful Parenting. Be sure to pick up a copy for yourself or one for a friend.


As always it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!

/2 Comments/by

5 Ways To Communicate With Your Child Better

You know the old saying. Perhaps your mama said it or your grandma said it or the mean ole lady next door said it to your mama about you, 

“Children should be seen and not heard!”

Which is really ridiculous because this statement implies that children should not be SEEN or HEARD. And I don’t know about you, but I believe part of the reason the world is so jacked up today is because we’ve got adult “children” running around today who are broken; they weren’t seen or heard and their behavior is a cry to be noticed.

But can we just give a holla and a hand clap that we are empowered to parent as we see fit. While mama & ‘nem gave us some fundamental tools that have helped us become successful, today we can keep, adapt, modify or even discard some of the things we saw and heard in our childhood.

Let’s be clear, children should be SEEN and HEARD.

The heart of every human craves connection. And when connection is stifled, it will manifest in a myriad of unpleasant ways. So let’s cut that off at the pass and be purposeful in connecting with our children. And one of the primary ways we connect hearts is through open, loving communication. So here are 5 ways you can communicate better with your child starting today.

To get the 5 tips, join me over @ Mommifaceted.

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully even in your parenting!

/5 Comments/by

School Is In Session, Are You Ready?

From the beginning of August through after Labor Day, children across America will be heading back to school. Whether public, private, homeschool or a combination of them, parents have expended MUCH energy ensuring their children are prepared (myself included).

If you’re a parent with a child headed to school chances are you’ve:

  • Researched schools, selected a school, tried to choose the teacher(s)
  • Attended some back to school event (school supply drives, back to school prayer, etc)
  • Talked to your child about the upcoming year
  • Purchased supplies, clothes, shoes, lunchbags, etc
  • Got kids hairdo’s, haircuts
  • And the list goes on……..you know the drill

School Is In Session, Are You Ready?

What exactly have you done to get YOURSELF ready?

What you have done to pour into yourself so that YOU are equipped to give your child the love, support and encouragement they’ll need this school year?

What have you done to make sure you are mentally alert, emotionally available, and spiritually strong?  And if you’ve ever dealt with homework tears, in-school bullying, or learning difficulties you KNOW it requires you to be strong to help your child weather the storms.

So for all the back to school ads, campaigns, prayer vigils, meet & greets, and picnics, I’m here thinking what about my sanity and yours.

Am I the only one beseeching God saying, “Father, I need your help. I need you to guide me as I guide them. I need you to teach me as I teach them. I need you”?

Surely I can’t be the only one who knows that unless I fiercely cling to the vine, I won’t be able to adequately support them.

I’m wagering that I’m not the only one who knows making it through the school year is going to require God to continue working in my own heart so that I can give my children what they need and deserve.

SO…….since I’m not the only one, I want YOU Back To School ready.

Just like you did your best to get them ready, I’m going to do my best to get YOU ready.

I want us to employ the single most effective strategy for back to school readiness…PRAYER.

[bctt tweet=”The ONE thing your child needs most is for you to be connected to God.” username=”inspiredfully”]

With that one connection, you serve as a conduit for God’s love, purpose, and plans to be unlocked and to flow.

Prayer is truly the one thing that release all the other things you want for your child (CLICK HERE for more on the power of praying for your child).

So that’s what we are gonna do. We are going to pray and watch. We are going to watch God perform the miraculous starting with us. We are going to see God change our own hearts so that we are delivered, healed and set free. We are going to experience God take out our stony hearts and give us hearts of flesh. We are going to witness God fill us with compassion and gentleness. We are going to bear the fruit of meekness and humility.

And here’s how we’re going to do it. For 21 days we are going to pray together. For 21 straight days you’ll meet me live and we will seek the Father’s face, we will seek His wisdom and we will hear from Him. We will pray for our children, for their friends, for their educators but more than that, we’ll spend the bulk of the 21 days praying for ourselves. The job of parenting is not for the faint of heart so we’ve got to be duly armed to carry out our assignment and I’m looking forward to partnering with you to make it happen.

We’ll be praying some points from my book PURPOSEFUL PARENTING. Do you have your copy?

We’ll meet HERE on my Facebook page so make sure you’re following.

But before we even begin our 21 days of Purposeful Prayer 4 Parents, how can I pray for you right now? Leave your requests in the comments and I count it an honor to carry them before the throne of grace.

As always it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!

Happy to partner with these friends sharing the Good News Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith

/2 Comments/by

It’s Gonna Cost You Something

Anything worth something is gonna cost you something.

Last night I asked my husband to purchase my daughter a case for her tablet. He said he was going to purchase her a particular brand. I like this brand and it is very durable but I think they are WAY overpriced. (It’s gonna cost you something Tyra). I then suggested that we purchase a cheap, off-brand one instead. My 12 year old then chimed in saying, “You know Mommy, if you buy the cheap one, you’re just gonna have to replace it so you should just go ahead and get the good one instead of trying to go cheap.”

You know what? He’s right.

And relationships are the same way.

[bctt tweet=”If we don’t pay upfront, if we don’t make the investment, if we don’t value people, we’ll end up needing a do over.” username=”inspiredfully”]

And the do over may just cost us even more.

Yup, Relationships are gonna cost you something.

And relationships with children will cost you ALOT!

They will cost you:

Pride
Money
Time
Energy
Love
and much, much more.

But the return on investment will be GREAT. For every positive word, act of service, ball game attended, smile offered, extra bedtime story, late night chat, it will be worth it.

Yes you were tired, overwhelmed, beyond tired, exhausted, exasperated even but you chose to dig deep and pay up because you deemed them worth it.

Yes, it cost you something. It costs you to examine yourself, to be honest with yourself, to change your attitude, to change your beliefs and to change your behavior. Yes, it’s costly but children are worth it and your investment will yield high dividends.

Take a listen to my interview with LCSW Mercedes Samudio of Shame Proof Parenting as we talk about Developing Healthy Parent-Child Relationships and the cost involved.

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!

Happy to connect with others sharing the Good News Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith

/8 Comments/by
,

The ONE Thing Your Child Needs Today

Okay, if you’re a parent, your child is going to seemingly need a ZILLION things from you today.

The baby needs milk, 10 diaper changes and plenty of hugs.

 

Your seven year old needs you to build legos with him.

 

Your tween needs your words of affirmation.

 

Your high-schooler needs money for college applications.

And the list goes on and on and on.

But wait?!

What if all that could be boiled down to ONE thing? What if all our children’s needs could be reduce to the least common factor? How could life be simplified like a fourth grade math equation in one swift motion? By reducing all of our children’s needs into the ONE needful thing, parenting could get a little easier right?….. continue reading

Come on over to Love Grace Style where I am hanging out with the sweet Michelle Elise to continue reading so you can discover and DO that one thing your child needs today.

Happy to connect with these friends sharing the good news Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith

/1 Comment/by

What Can Happen With A Changed Heart?

In order to give people the love they need and deserve, one’s OWN heart has to be transformed.  That change requires us to do the hard work. The work of deep excavation. But if you are willing to do the work, the reward will be immeasurable. The ripple effect of love has the power to heal our land.

 

Love Triumphs.

 

With a heart transformed, you are free to love without fear.  So much of parenting is done from a place of fear; fear of what they’ll do and who they’ll become. But when we illuminate our hearts with love, fear is cast away and we are free to give them the love they need and deserve.  When we love children wholly, we truly have the ability to change our world, one heart at a time.

 

This is just one nugget from my recent interview with Joy Williams. Come on over to hear the rest.

 

What are you waiting for….CLICK HERE to jump over to Joy’s where we’re sharing hope for the heart and joy to the soul.

 

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!

/0 Comments/by
,

How Do You Reach A Child’s Heart?

So much of parental life is consumed with meeting temporal needs. Endless piles of laundry, shuttling children to and from activities, cooking meals, you know the drill. Not to mention adding in the amount of time, energy and effort expended in trying to get children to DO things they really could care less about or to get them to STOP doing things they are perfectly content with. Perhaps you’re ready to blow a gasket because you’ve told your pre-teen boy for the millionth time that he needs to shower daily. And you can’t recall how many times you’ve told your toddler not to jump on the furniture. While requests for showering and not jumping on furniture are reasonable, they do not serve as an investment in connecting with the hearts of our children.

 

The job of parenting finds us doing many seemingly important things for our children. But we want to be cautious to not miss out on the needed thing. Just as Jesus affirmed that Mary had chosen the better part, let us choose the better part and that is connecting with the hearts of our children.

 

Shuttling kids to soccer practice, hurrying up to get them to choir rehearsal, and rushing them off to bed, may be required at times but can have a way of choking out meaningful interaction. So how do we connect with our children when most of our daily interactions are moving them through to the next activity? We’ve got to be PURPOSEFUL!

 

Nobel Peace Prize recipient and novelist, Toni Morrison appeared on an episode of Oprah’s Lifeclass. On the show, the prolific author dispensed this wisdom,

“It’s interesting to see when a kid walks into the room… does your

face light up? That’s what they’re looking for…when my children used

to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if

they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or their

socks were up…so you think your affection and your deep love is on

display cause you’re caring for them, it’s not. When they see you they

see the critical face…what’s wrong now? …But then if you let your face

speak what’s in your heart. Because when they walked in the room I was

glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see.”

 

She so eloquently illustrated the difference between meeting temporal needs and maximizing on the opportunity to connect with the heart. Oprah went on to say that one of her biggest learning lessons of the early 90’s was that the common denominator in the human experience is that everyone wants to be appreciated or validated. Given that, what are we teaching our children by spending so much energy on things that may not matter in five years, much less ten? How many moments will we have missed? How many hugs would not have been shared? How many smiles would have been deterred?

 

Will our children feel connected, loved, if the words we dispense are focused on what they haven’t done right, what they aren’t doing or what they’ve done wrong?

“You haven’t…”

“You aren’t”

“When will you ever…”

“You can’t…”

“You won’t…”

“Don’t…”

“Stop…”

“No…”

Yup, I’ve said them all too but I’m learning to do better. It requires reframing the dialogue. “Well what CAN I do then?” That’s what their hearts want to know. Purpose to fill their hearts with what they CAN do. Let us connect in ways they can perceive and receive. Research Professor, Dr. Brene Brown says, “We are hardwired to connect with others, is what gives purpose and meaning to our lives, and without it there is suffering.” Will you help minimize suffering by proactively connecting with the hearts of your children?

 

We connect with children by being adults who are vulnerable, humble and gentle.

 

We reach them through open communication, connectedness, inviting them, listening with the heart, knowing them and encouraging them.

 

Let’s pray!

 

Eternal one and lover of my soul, thank you for always extending yourself and seeking to connect with my heart. I pray that you will open the eyes of my heart so that I will be available to my children. Enable me to connect with their hearts through purposeful interactions. May I present myself gentle, humble and vulnerable so that they feel I am approachable. May I keep my eyes and ears open so that I can learn who they are and know them deeply. May my words be filled with grace. May I be intentional in maximizing upon opportunities to communicate with them. Knit me closer to my children now and evermore.

 

For the practical steps on how to reach them, order a copy of my new book PURPOSEFUL PARENTING, available now on Amazon.

 

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!

 

Happy to connect with these friends sharing the Good News Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith, Chasing Community, Grace & Truth

/8 Comments/by
,

Do we ever REALLY know what we’re doing?

[bctt tweet=”Considering people have been rearing children since the dawn of humanity, one would think we’d have mastered parenting by now.” username=”inspiredfully”] And if the theory of evolution that we’ve been taught is accurate, surely we’d all be awarded PhD’s in parenting.

Yet…

~We question our ability to get it right

~We make parenting blunders almost daily

~We can be wracked with guilt for the decisions we make regarding our children

 

We don’t know for certain how they’ll end up so we spin our wheels trying to ensure the best possible outcome. We carefully manufacture every facet of their lives right down to marching into the principal’s office to demand the teacher of our choice. We want them to be “well-rounded” so they must play a sport, speak a foreign language, go on missions trips, and travel on competitive teams. Yup, I know all about it. You’re not the only one. Been there, done that and wearing the t-shirt. . But not only that; they must eat only organic, gluten free, and sugar free. So dinner at grandmas becomes a delicate dance as to not offend her. What are we really doing?

 

I was having a conversation with a woman recently and she posed a very interesting thought. She said, and I quote, “People should learn how to become parents before they have children.” Is that really possible? It made me think of preparing for childbirth. You can read about each month of pregnancy and what to expect. You can tour the hospital where you’ll deliver. You can attend Lamaze classes, practice hypno-birthing or practice the Bradley Method, but when that first contraction hits, it can catch you off guard as if you’ve had no preparation at all. It can take your breath away and sends most women into a panic screaming for an epidural.

 

Parenting is somewhat like that. You can read the parenting manuals. And believe me there are plenty of them on the market. You can read about gentle parenting, conscious parenting, helicopter parenting, free range parenting, Christian parenting and the list goes on. But until you come face-to-face with certain childhood situations, you don’t know how you’ll respond. Your own experiences as a child, your child’s temperament, and your environment all play into how you will respond.

 

What I do know is some days I seem to be lost in the parenting maze.  I’ve been sucked into the vortex of meeting temporal needs that on occasion I’ve left the needs of the heart untended. What about you? And we don’t do that on purpose right? We merely want to raise successful adults and somehow equate having teeth brushed and rushing off to soccer practice as essential components for arriving at the goal.

 

But I say no more! It’s time we reclaim parenting. Let’s turn to the hearts of our children and turn away from our plans to engineer the next crop of productivity robots. We’ll get back to loving and laughing, teaching and training.

 

And this can only be done with the help of the Holy Spirit. He is our Teacher and our Guide.  He gently leads those with young (Isaiah 40:11). Having had broken experiences in being parented and not wanting to pass that onto my children, I rely on the Holy Spirit to partner with me in raising my children.  And He does not disappointment.

 

Could you use some encouragement for your parenting journey? Then check out my new book Purposeful Parenting officially releasing a week from today. But guess what? The ebook is already available on Amazon so download it now, don’t delay. Let us embark on this quest together. Healing humanity, one heart at a time starting within our circle of influence, right with the young people we know.

 

 

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!

 

Happy to partner with these friends sharing the Good News Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith, Chasing Community, Grace & Truth

 

 

/2 Comments/by
,

United For The Journey

My Sweet Friends,

 

You ever have God call you to do the hard thing?

 

You ever have God challenge you to do the needful thing?

 

Well last year He did just that to me.

 

You see, I’ve always been a writer. Ever since I was a little girl, I knew one day I’d write books. I’ve got a purple notebook on my bookshelf that I’ve had for over 20 years with book ideas in it. And last year I was in the process of writing my first book on Honoring The Temple.

 

But God!

 

He has a way of stepping right into your situation. He told me to put that book down. He told me to resurrect the dry bones. Those were His exact words. In that, He was telling me to dust off writing I had done year’s prior when I wrote and facilitated an 8-week course called Raising Godly Children. He said He would put meat on the bones of that work and that that would become my first book.

 

Well I wasn’t really interested in that. It was much more fun for me to write about honoring the temple. It was easy to talk about what God says about proper nourishment, rest and exercise. It was exciting to delve into the scriptures and make parallels between the spiritual temple and the physical temple.

 

But to dive into a discussion on parenting?! Well….not as much fun for me. While I love being a parent, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It’s not so glamorous. It’s not always easy. It’s the thing that keeps me clinging FIERCELY to the cross. Hence, it is the needful thing. But at times I can be a little more Martha than Mary. But in this instance, He was urging me to choose the better part.

 

And for that reason, God said that’s the very thing I need you to write about. That thing that makes you cry. That thing that has you calling out to Me. That thing that you have to believe Me for and trust Me for. Yes that thing that you can only do by My power and only with My grace. Yes, you will address THAT THING said the Lord.

 

Well nearly having a tantrum, I agreed to do that thing. When I went to resurrect that old material, I couldn’t find most of it. That nearly sent me into a tailspin as I panicked that all was lost. And again the Lord eased my worries. He said, “It’s okay. I’ve given you a new perspective and new grace for parenting so some of that old material isn’t applicable anymore. I will give you fresh words for the book”. And that He did.

 

57,000 words later, Purposeful Parenting was completed.

 

It was an arduous journey to complete this project. But through the journey God did an amazing work in my own heart. He softened my heart. He showed me His unfailing love toward me. And now I want you invite you to embark on the journey with me.

 

My book, Purposeful Parenting: Allowing God to Change Your Heart so He Can Reach Theirs will officially be released on May 30th. And I would love for you to experience the life changing transformation that I have experienced in receiving the Father’s love then being able to pass that on to the children in your lives. You will have the opportunity to read the book before it is released and you will be the first to sound the clarion call of Purposeful Parenting.

 

This group of people, the book launch team, will lead the way in loving children of any age wholly and completely. It starts with us. It starts with adults who know the way, go the way, and then show the way. In this group we will learn:

~How our own beliefs impact our ability to parent

~God’s plan and purpose for our children

~How to accept children for who they are

~How to connect with our children

~An extra bonus of how I was able to complete a book as a busy mama of 6

 

And much more!

 

If this sounds like something you’d like to be part of, you can sign up by CLICKING HERE. I’d love to have you partner with me as we directly impact our world for the good by pouring love into the hearts of children. And along the way, we will share laughter and maybe even shed a tear or too but that’s okay because we’ll do it in the safety of community. I thank you in advance for joining me in our quest to parent with purpose on purpose.

 

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been inspired to be a Purposeful Parent!
Happy to connect with these friends sharing the Good News Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith, Chasing Community, Grace & Truth

/4 Comments/by