The antiseptic smell.
The incessant beeping of monitors.
The constant flurry of scrubs moving back and forth and back and forth.
Being in a hospital is quite unnerving. Even walking into the building is like being cloaked in a shroud of darkness. As I have a close relative in the hospital fiercely fighting to live, I am reminded of the fragility of life.
My birthday is in less than a week. Each birthday is a reason for me to rejoice, having lived to see another year. Again I am reminded of the fragility of life. My own mother died at 39. I was a freshman in college. I had just seen her as I had gone home for a holiday weekend. Sunday I said my farewell then Friday as I was planning my weekend fun I got an urgent call from my cousin telling me I had to come home again. My school and home were 500 miles apart. I told her I had just left there a few days ago and it wasn’t feasible to be running up and down, back and forth up the East Coast. Again she stated more forcefully that I HAD to come.
So I went to the ATM machine, withdrew money, packed a little bag and proceeded to the bus station. Little did I know I that little bag I packed wouldn’t be enough to carry me through staying an entire month. Riding that bus those 500 miles was the longest single event of my life. On that Greyhound I felt mature yet babyish, strong yet fragile as I travelled not knowing what I’d find on the other end.
In New York I had a bus transfer with a few hours layover. During the layover was the loneliest I have even felt. Thousands of people moving in and out of Port Authority, and here was a frightened 18 year-old girl, alone, trembling with anxiety at the thought of what awaited at the end of my destination.
As I took that final leg, I had an intense argument with God. I guess it was less of an argument and more of a tantrum on my part as God didn’t participate in my rant. I told God I would hate Him forever if He let something happen to my mother. I cursed Him for potentially letting something happen to a mother and her two young children. At the time I had no personal relationship with the Lord. My only connection to Him was going to church on Easter and all that meant to me was the coveted “Easter outfit”. There is an old quote that people often think is scripture though it’s not which says, “God protects children and fools”. Well He certainly protected me, as I didn’t not understand what I was saying and was speaking merely out of hurt and anger.
When I arrived at my destination I knew something was amiss. I stepped off the bus and saw my father standing there. I hadn’t talked to my father in a few days. “How did he know I was coming home?”, I thought. He then took me to my grandmother’s house, which again I thought was quite bizarre as it was just after 6:00am. Then they delivered the dreadful news. In fact, my mother had already died when my cousin had called me the first time to tell me I had to come home.
My mother who I had just spent the last weekend with.
My mother who had been stolen from me by drugs and alcohol, but recently given back was snatched right out of my grasp once again.
Why, you do not even know
what will happen tomorrow.
What is your life? You are a mist
that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
James 4:14
Here one day, gone tomorrow.
Life is fleeting, but a vapor.
As such, let us be reminded to:
Love deeply
Give generously
Show compassion
Dole out grace liberally
Take eye off self
I do want to point out, friends, that time is of the essence. There is no time to waste, so don’t complicate your lives unnecessarily. Keep it simple—in marriage, grief, joy, whatever. Even in ordinary things—your daily routines of shopping, and so on. Deal as sparingly as possible with the things the world thrusts on you. This world as you see it is on its way out.
1 Corinthians 7:29-31
So as I prepare to celebrate another birthday, I give thanks for LIFE. And out of my gratitude I am prompted to be more loving, more gracious, less impatient and less knit picky.
While our days are in short supply, our love should run long.
As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!
Photo Credit: My Dad
Happy to connect with these friends sharing the Good News Purposeful Faith, #LifeGivingLinkup, #TestimonyTuesday