As I’m celebrating my 1st Blogiversary, I’ve spent this week reflecting. I started the week with What I’ve Learned In A Year Of Blogging. I’ve revisited the most popular post of the year, which was a surprise to me, I Have Faith Issues. So now I’d like to share with you my personal FAVORITE post of the year. This is one that is extremely close to my heart. It is the thing that has me in the trenches daily. It is the thing that keeps me fiercely clinging to the Cross. And before I stepped into that arena, I would have never imagined it would have been so challenging.
Parenting.
So here is a peek into my heart, my mama heart, as I candidly share on The Hardest Thing I’ve Ever Done.
Recently I got a phone call that took me by surprise.
Someone dear to me is pregnant, expecting her 1st baby. She’s experiencing many of the typical 1st trimester symptoms: fatigue, nausea, heightened emotions and the like. It was an honor for me to share words of wisdom from my personal experiences, having walked that road a few times now.
I am the mother of 5 fantastic children. 2, 4, 6, 8, 10. Yup those are their ages; every year for the last 11 years I’ve been pregnant or nursing a baby. 2014 was the year that broke my baby streak (actually I did have a baby in 2014, just not one from my body. On October 25th of this year, my business Inspired Life was born).
Five children.
I never imagined I’d be the mother of 5. Kingsland Party of Five as my cousin calls them. When I was a child, I had typical childhood fantasies of having a fine husband, driving a nice car and living in a big house. My parents were never married and of the families in my neighborhood finding a MARRIED couple was like finding the mate to that sock you’ve been looking for, for 2 years now. My vision of this perfect family included 2 kids, a boy and a girl of course. I don’t even know where that boy/girl thing began and the fact that it still lingers today is even more ridiculous as well meaning family, friends, coworkers and even strangers commented after I had 1st a daughter, then a son, “Well you’ve got your girl and your boy, so you’re done right?” People say interesting things they don’t really ‘think’ about. They just repeat what they’ve heard.
While being a parent is proving to be one of the most rewarding and fulfilling experiences I’ve ever had, it is is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
For some, work may prove to be one of the most difficult things they’ve ever faced. I feel like, with a clear set of performance expectations coupled with my talent, knowledge, skill and ability, I can meet and even exceed an employer’s expectation. Work, I can handle that.
For some marriage may prove to be one of the most difficult things they’ve ever had to face. Joining forces with a person who may have had a different upbringing, values, cares, likes, and interests can evoke trouble. Even something as simple as how your spouse squeezes up the toothpaste to hanging their towel (or lack thereof); differences in marriage are not always easy to navigate. My husband and I met when we were freshmen in college so essentially we’ve grown up together. Through constant communication we have been able to create a beautiful union and I look forward to growing old together. So in marriage, I feel like when the expectations are clearly defined and both parties have committed to executing their duties, marriage works.
For others it may be dealing with a relative, an overbearing mother or an absent father. These familial relationships can bring about their own drama causing one to feel like being a relative is the hardest thing they’ve ever done.
Employee. Wife. Relative. I feel like those roles I can execute with a pretty certain degree of success.
Parenting on the other hand…well, it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
[bctt tweet=”The role of a parent is vital to the health and success of our world. The parent is the child’s heart director.”] It is the parent’s responsibility to steer, direct and lead their children. In the infancy stages, though fraught with sleepless nights and sometimes unexplainable cries, meeting the needs of the baby are pretty straightforward: fed in a timely manner, kept warmed and comforted, nurtured, kept dry, and soothed, baby will generally be well.
Parenting with purpose to raise children that are responsible for positively contributing to making this planet a better place to live is a tremendous undertaking. Then stir the pot mixing in different gender, personality, proclivities, likes, dislikes, and temperaments and the stew is then indeed a mixed bag. But just as my African Peanut Stew I had for dinner last night was a mélange of vegetables, spices, beans and more, it came together to create magic on the tongue, my children will stir up their gifts to make this nation a better place.
And it is in being purposeful and intentional in learning each individual child and ministering to the heart of the child that the hard work ensues. It is in discovering that my 3rd born needs words of affirmation and my 4th born physical touch in order for them to truly feel loved is where it gets hard because those things didn’t readily show themselves. They didn’t carry a banner or poster or verbally tell me “Mommy, this is what I need”. It took careful observation and listening to discover.
It’s the hardest thing when your child is rejected by peers at school and part of you wants to go to the school seeking vengeance saying to yourself “See, this is exactly why I always considered homeschooling”. Part of you may remember what it was like to be rejected as a child and you may even still be crippled by that thing and as a result unable to even help your child move through that issue.
It’s the hardest thing when you know you’ve consistently taught them values such as caring, respect and honor then a child who came out of your body acts in a way completely opposite of what you know you’ve taught. You may feel ashamed, embarrassed. It’s hard.
But in the midst of the hard stands tall and erect: TRUTH
And the truth says:
~Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
~For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11
~These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deuteronomy 6:6-9
~All your children shall be taught by the Lord, And great shall be the peace of your children. Isaiah 54:13
So be encouraged fellow parents. While it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, it is also the best decision I ever made. In my 1st pregnancy a male hairdresser shared a nugget of wisdom that has stuck with me all these years. He told me, when you give birth to a baby, you are giving birth to your authentic self.
It is through having my children and parenting with purpose that I’ve come face to face with myself. All of my strengths as well as my shortcomings have floated to the surface and must be addressed if I am to parent from a place of wholeness.
BTW, my childhood fantasy came true. I’ve got me a fine husband, a nice car (if you call a minivan with 220,000 miles on it a nice car) and a nice size house AND my girl and my boy plus another girl and another 2 boys. Blessed beyond measure and that makes the hardest thing I’ve ever done worth it.
Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him. Children born to a young man are like arrows in a warrior’s hands. How joyful is the man whose quiver is full of them! He will not be put to shame when he confronts his accusers at the city gates. Psalm 127:3-5
P.S. When my future leaders grow up to take their rightful place in society, my husband and I will take the opportunity to fulfill some of the items on our bucket list: Bora Bora, Greece, Tahiti, San Tropez…Can you tell we like the beach? Maybe I should say I like the beach.
Praying you joy filled days of parenting with purpose.
As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!
