Toni Morrison
“It’s interesting to see when a kid walks into the room… does your face light up? That’s what they’re looking for…when my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or their socks were up…so you think your affection and your deep love is on display cause you’re caring for them, it’s not. When they see you they see the critical face…what’s wrong now? …But then if you let your face speak what’s in your heart. Because when they walked in the room I was glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see.”
Nobel laureate and novelist, Toni Morrison shared these deep yet simply stated musings on an episode of Oprah’s Lifeclass. So eloquently she illustrated the difference between meeting temporal needs and maximizing on the opportunity to connect with the heart. Oprah went on to say that one of her own biggest learning lessons of the early 90’s was that the common denominator in the human experience is that everyone wants to be appreciated or validated.
And don’t we see that in our world today? The rash brazenness of broken people intent on hurting themselves and others because they long to be seen, to be known, to be validated, and to be loved.
And oh how many times I’ve missed the mark on this. But watching this segment left an indelible mark on me, raising my awareness of SEEING my children. Morrison captures the essence of it because truly much of parental life is consumed with meeting temporal needs which can suffocate connection. Endless piles of laundry, shuttling children to and from activities, cooking meals, you know the drill.
The job of parenting finds us doing seemingly important things for our children but we don’t want to miss out on the needed thing. Just as Jesus affirmed that Mary had chosen the better part, let us choose the better part and that is connecting with the hearts of our children. Doing so demands that we slow down.
The human heart craves connection and we must make ourselves available for our children.
How available are you if your face is planted in an electronic device when your child is trying to talk to you? How available are you when you an inundated with 2 million worries because that stack of medical bills keeps getting higher and higher?
This is when you have to cast all your cares on God and eliminate distractions so that you make yourself available for connection. Connection is carried out through communication. It is imperative that you communicate in ways that your child can perceive and receive. Be sure to check out 5 Ways To Communicate With Your Child Better.
Love sees and love notices and love cares. When a pregnant Hagar attempted to flee because of Sarai’s cruelty, she had an encounter with el-Roi, The God Who Sees. Not only did the angel of the Lord see her there, he blessed her. Just as God saw Hagar sitting there, He sees you and He sees your children. Yup, that’s what love does; love sees. Our children, in their own unique way are crying out, “Do you see me?” And in return, it is not the critical face, the glare or the correction of external trappings that I want to offer. I want them to see my face light up.
“It’s just as small as that you see.”
Some of the thoughts shared in this post are adapted from my book, Purposeful Parenting. Be sure to pick up a copy for yourself or one for a friend.
As always it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!
