Beauty In The Ugly Cry
Most days I don’t wear makeup. But Sundays are special to me. My Sabbath days finds me with extra family time without the hustle of the school week. I like dressing up for church even though my church is a “Come As You Are” type of place.
Sunday is the one day this busy mama of 6 takes time to put on more than Eos on her lips. So Sunday dress up and make up put a little extra pep in my #momlife step and I feel good about me as I eagerly head out for a time of corporate worship.
But not today. As I was getting ready for church today I had this feeling.
I took out my makeup bag
Sat on my bathroom sink
And said to myself….
“Girl, don’t even bother. TODAY you’re gonna do the ugly cry.”
And it’s not like this had really come on me all of a sudden. Since before Valentine’s Day I’ve been suppressing it. Like Atlas trying to hold up the sky, I had been buckling under the weight of the issues of life.
We’re supposed to be STRONG they say. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you they say. But I also know that the Word says when I am weak, His strength is made perfect. And I was weak.
But I tried to be strong. Be strong for my spouse, strong for the women I minister to, strong for my children, strong for my friends, strong for my Dad.
It came to my attention that I was suppressing it when I found myself standing over the kitchen sink washing dishes (side note: I happened to do a video a few weeks ago called My Washing is My Worship). Something about washing dishes causes a stirring in my spirit. So I’m washing and I feel it welling. It’s coming up…up. When it gets to my breastbone, I force it back down as I look over and see my children.
“Should I let them see me cry?”
“I don’t want them to worry.”
“Will they call my husband and then he’ll be worried?”
Stuff the tears. Force them back down. Make everybody think everything is okay because you are ok right?
Well, maybe not. [bctt tweet=”Is it okay to not be okay? Will we grant ourselves permission to feel pain, to grieve, to lament?” username=”inspiredfully”] Because there is a season for everything under the heavens right?
I was reminded of a teaching I had done just 2 weeks ago and the title was “Permission Granted”.
So I granted myself permission for the ugly cry. No makeup on I headed into the sanctuary at church with an open heart. I presented myself before God as the WHOLE me. The whole me including the broken me. Not just the me that dresses up and puts on makeup but also the me whose arms get tired. The me whose patience runs out. The me who has come to the end of herself and come to the beginning of the resurrection POWER.
And when the choir proceeded to sing one of my new favorite songs, I was completely UNDONE. Feel free to picture the most hilarious ugly cry GIF you can think of here. Go ahead and laugh ’cause I’m laughing with you. If someone turned my cry today into a GIF I wouldn’t even be mad because it was a classic.
That cry was CLEANSING, CATHARTIC and FREEING.
So what does the Word say about crying?
“You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle…” Psalm 56:8
“Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and he delivered them from their distress,” Psalm 107:6
“Jesus wept,” John 11:35
There is beauty in the UGLY CRY my friends. I pray you too grant yourself permission to pour your heart to before the Father. Grant yourself permission to be vulnerable. Should it happen while in the arms of a loving friend, in the arms of your spouse, alone in your prayer closet, at a worship service or over your kitchen sink with the children looking on, you will not only cleanse your heart but it can show others what healthy expression of emotions looks like.
When is the last time you had an ugly cry? Are you due for one? If yes, permission granted because there is beauty in the ugly cry.
As always it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!
Happy to join these friends sharing the Good News Mommy Moments, Purposeful Faith, Chasing Community, Grace & Truth
Thank you my sister. I was confronted with this and felt ashamed. God continues to want me to surrender to my ugly cry. I have falsely allowed myself to believe I must be strong and resist. Thank you and God for this reminder.
Gos wants us to be FREE! We don’t have to “edit” our raw emotion. Jesus presents us before the Father without spot or blemish so be FREE to be!
Thanks! Every bit counts.
Amen sista! I always want to fight the ugly cry because it shows vulnerability. I feel much better once I let go and let God. Great post! Your friend over at Grace & Truth!
Maybe….just maybe we should give ourselves permission for it regularly. Vulnerability opens us right to the Father’s heart.
Oh Tyra … I also had one of those ugly cries a couple of days ago after several weeks of feeling it coming on! My mother-in-law sent me an article about a son wrote about his mom’s Alzheimer’s, and I cried the whole way through it and for quite awhile afterwards (my mom also has Alzheimer’s). I felt much better afterwards, and totally agree that there is “beauty in the ugly cry.” 🙂 So glad to be your neighbor at Chasing Community this week …
Oh Lois praying for you. Isn’t it also great when we can share hearts with another’s story and their story has the power to touch, to heal and to deliver? Because that’s how we overcome, by the blood of the lamb and the word of the testimony. May your words heal the next person too.
Totally agree! Great post