One leg in, next leg in. Pull up. Bring the two sides together east to west to button my pants…and…this can’t be?!

I can hardly button my pants!

Oh no. How did this happen?

When did this happen?

I was crushed. I guess I hadn’t noticed it before because I was wearing pants with a little give or a poly/cotton blends. But these slacks had no give so it was an accurate assessment. Either my pants have gotten smaller or I have gotten bigger and I’m sure it’s not the former.

The entire day I was beside myself. I couldn’t shake it. Even now it’s difficult to write but I’m sharing with you so that you might be encouraged if you have ever fought the battle of the bulge.

ME & Weight

The ladies on my mother’s side of the family are THICK. As a child, I was average size. As a teen, I was shapely, still pretty much average size. Then during my freshman year of college I gained double the freshman 15. Poor eating habits coupled with the grief of losing my mother found me at the bottom of a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Wavy Gravy often. And I carried that weight around until my mid-twenties. You can ready more about managing weight here.

For the last 12 years I’ve been pregnant every other year. Actually last year finally broke that record of not adding a new baby to our home. So for the first time in forever, without the influx of pregnancy I have to manage my weight over a long stretch. Because I have been heavy before (the mid-twenties me) I am fearful of getting big again. I try to focus my attention on eating right and exercising and less on weight. But now with the whole pants debacle…

Size

I rarely get on a scale. Only when I go to my primary care doctor and they insist. I just use how my clothes fit as the gauge of my size. Well that encounter with that pair of jeans last week has revealed the size is shifting.

So I asked myself, how did this happen?

I am so committed to eating clean, honoring my temple and being disciplined. I usually do some type of workout every other day (though I don’t always push myself as far as I know I could). But really, gaining weight? Come on Lord help me out here. What more can I do? I actually had an attitude with the Lord because I feel like I’m trying to do everything right as related to my health and this is my reward?

Then the Lord answered. You see, He has a tailor made diet for each of us but we have to be OBEDIENT to His voice. I was disobedient. I lacked self-control.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23

Oh dear, when it comes to my favorite food, I have to admit I have no self-control. With food I am an otherwise disciplined, self-controlled person, but put a bowl of popcorn in front of me and I will demolish the whole thing. Yup, you read it right; popcorn is my all time favorite food. Not my favorite snack, but my favorite food. And I am disciplined enough to measure out just a single serving. But then I’ll come back for another and another.

The Lord was gently whispering to me, “Moderation”. But the popcorn was so good I lacked moderation. Now I love popcorn any way you serve it and I make a mean batch at home popped in coconut oil with my special blend of spices. But I found this organic white cheddar popped in coconut oil at Costco and from then on my friends it was a wrap. For a month straight I ate this popcorn nearly every day and now I’m paying for it. I knew it had gotten bad when I went to Costco JUST to buy a single bag of popcorn.

Just an aside, on Monday I talked about uncovering guilt, shame and regret so that we can be healed, you can click here to read more of that but I’m so happy right now to disclose this issue of the popcorn with you because revealing it is part of my healing. I am moving forward and will not harbor guilt for my gluttony.

While my issue is just with popcorn, my lack of self-control with it is major. One of the three pillars of my mission is to honor the temple. What an embarrassment for me to have fallen in this area when I am supposed to be encouraging you and setting an example. But I can give full disclosure because we are in this race together and I want you to keep pressing toward the mark for the prize.  There may be days when we stumble but I want you to get back up and try again because this isn’t just about food, it’s about our walk with God.

Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but one receives the prize? Run in such a way that you may obtain it. And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things. Now they do it to obtain a perishable crown, but we for an imperishable crown. Therefore I run thus: not with uncertainty. Thus I fight: not as one who beats the air.  But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection, lest, when I have preached to others, I myself should become disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

I do not wish to disqualify myself from the call God has given based on my lack of self-control so I bring my body under the subjection of Christ and will heed His voice.

He’s also whispering to me about my daily cup of coffee. One thing at a time Lord, baby steps please.

If you’ve ever been in the battle of the bulge, you know this is not an easy fight. You must remain committed and stay the course. Your future and the future of your family are hinging on it. YOU are worth it.

P.S. I went to Costco yesterday and in shopping my routine aisles, there it was staring at me, my beloved popcorn. Glory to God for self-control because I left there without purchasing any.

“The one quality which sets one man apart from another-

the key which lifts one to every aspiration

while others are caught up in the mire of mediocrity-

is not talent, formal education, nor intellectual brightness –

it is self-discipline. With self-discipline all things are possible. 

Without it, even the simplest goal can seem like the impossible dream. “

-Theodore Roosevelt 

As always, it is my prayer that you’ve been Inspired To Live Fully!

Photo Credit